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  • Writer's pictureKate Roff

What's my personal style again!?

If you're anything like me (enjoys a crisp gin and tonic and can inhale a pizza like it's my last), you may have dipped in and out of your personal style over the years. Or it got lost when you were eyeball deep in nappies and sleep deprivation and couldn't give two hoots about it because life isn't all plump pillows and earthy aesthetics, amirite?


I speak to so many women who run through the motherhood gauntlet, only to be spat out the other side when their kids start half-sleeping through the night and don't spend every waking moment destroying the 'investment' couch you bought before everything nice you had was covered in Weetbix. They're beyond grateful for their family life, but feel like they've lost their their sense of self and personal style in amongst the child-wrangling years. And how could you not? The crushing mental load leaves very little time to curate and create a home which aligns with your personal style, and who cares because it's all covered in kid shit anyways and it will be forever and this is your life now, so could someone, for the love of god, put on Bluey so I can have a five minute lukewarm coffee break?


So, mental spirals aside, how do we find our personal style when life as you know it is in contrast to how it used to be?


Believe me when I say I've sailed many a treacherous seas when it comes to my own personal style (I'm having flashbacks of boat shoes and a knock off Ralph Lauren polo shirt), but along the way I've picked up a few gold nuggets I'm going to bestow upon you my fellow tired mummy.

Let go of the past

I've had many moments where I've wept in the corner because my jeans didn't fit or my house was tipped upside down by a toddler tyrant. There will be a lot you miss about your old life before you had tiny humans. I sure do. That being said, the more we focus on our past, the less time we have to get to know the new version of you. What does she like doing? What's she interested in? What lights a fire in her belly? It's ok if you've forgotten - it's still in there, trust me. For me, I love treating myself to an interior design magazine I can flick through with a hot cuppa. It's that simple friend.

Explore what interests you (and do more of that!)

Extending on my point above, it's so important to carve out some time for yourself and explore what you enjoy. This is what will help you find your personal style. Do you love nature? Are you inspired by the colours? What exactly do you like about it? Here's an example - during Autumn, I love driving through Central Otago and Lakes District in New Zealand to look at all the changing colours in nature. The textures and colours remind me of some of the cushions that homewares brand Citta make, so I snagged a few online and now I have a little piece of Central Otago in my living room.

A living room designed with a combination of multiple styles


Don't buy into every trend

Louder for the people at the back! What happens if you bring in every single TikTok / Instagram trend into your home? I mish mash of everything and nothing all at once. When you buy into all the latest in-vogue, you actually loose your personal sense of style because the pieces you purchase don't really have that much meaning behind them. I'm not saying everything you haul through your door has to have precious sentimental value, but a few uniquely you items will really help hone your style and aesthetic.

Create Pinterest mood boards (with a wee disclaimer)

Absolutely fabulous for inspiration and absolutely fabulous to overwhelm you with a million different ideas. As mentioned above, trends come and go, so just be mindful of this when you make an impulse decision to put yellow shutters on the outside of your house.

Style mix or clash in a living / lounge room

Personal style doesn't mean you can't wear trackies

Damn right! I consistently sway between 'disheveled, messy bun, stretchy pants' mode to 'yay she put on pants and a bra today!'. My point is, personal style doesn't mean you or your home has to look perfectly put together and effortlessly chic all the time. In fact, I wholeheartedly encourage you to embrace all the parts of your personal style (which absolutely includes that Ghanda jumper with the coffee stain you can't get out), because that's what makes you, you boo!


Wrangle help

Still lost? I bet you know someone in one of your circles who loves styling spaces or who just has a great sense of self. Invite them over (and stop apologising for the house being a mess - we're all a mess honey), pop open some champas and get out all your ideas in the open. It's amazing how having a different energy can make such a big difference. Use their experience and ideas to help hone your vision. Hot tip: if you promise cheese, I'll be there.

Back yourself

You know a lot more than you think! It's just got lost under a giant pile of never ending laundry. There will have been moments in your life where you saw something which simply made you smile and that right there, is the golden ticket to discovering your personal style.



There's no one else like you

Remind yourself of this when you feel like you've lost your spark. Regardless of where you are in your personal style journey, please be kind to yourself. If your interior isn't where you want it to be, that's okay! If you're not where you want to be, that's okay too. Take your time, make small tweaks and for the love of all things Marie Kondo - have some fun along the way because life is far too short to get hung up on bed throws.


Do you need some help honing your personal style? If you saw what I wore to the grocery store today, you may think twice! Alas, I'm here to help. Leave a comment below or find some fresh inspo on the gram - @katethemessyminimalists


Yours in the messy life,


Kate x

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